She
She shall return and live with me once again, like we used to
Not so long ago, when life was shattering and I was running out of hope, I came across something so beautiful and so pure that my life became felicitous and I couldn’t be happier in my life.
I had something which I have longed for since ever. My life still shattered, I still was in deep water and was trying incessantly to get myself over it. I was trying to keep walking the hurdles without getting knocked by the circumstances but there was something I had, to hold me should I fall. I did not ever worry about the things that were taking place all the while She was with me but I was broken and torn and She stitched me everywhere I was torn, She healed me.
How I wish She had stayed with me. I don’t know how could I ever repay her for all the happiness and peace She brought to me with herself and maybe the only way that I could do that was showering all the love, the last of it, upon her, I have inside me but there are times which do not favor you and there are times when you have to cope with these times with no one by your side.
It has been not so long since She came into my life but it has been so so long since She has gone and I have no idea where to find her. I have looked for her for a long long time. We have spent a great deal of time together, we have played like I have never played before in my life and shall perhaps never and now it’s just the memories of her what is left with me. There were times when we didn’t talk to each other when we were mad. There were times when the moment we were in, we wished it to stop, and now when she is not with me here, the moment has really stopped.
It is sad and heart wrenching to see her bed empty, to see the places absent her small feet where She once stood and looked at me with love in those shining dark eyes.
I remember the time when we ran like fools in all the street and She caught me under the street light and jumped at me but then I ran again and this time She could not catch me. Oh, how I wish to have her again, to chase me and jump at me like a little kid. I miss those moments when She would go crazy on my returning to home and not leaving me until I took her in my arms. What could be done, it is but time who always wins, isn’t it? All I have left with me are her photographs and memories. She is fond of getting captured, be it a photo or my arms.
When I listen to music, those songs remind me of her and mostly the songs, “Everything I Own” by BREAD and “No More” by Elvis Presley.
Oh! My lord, send her back to me and I shall never let her go. She is an imperative part of my life, She is my moonlight, She is my sun, She is my love, She is my world whom I wished to never have been apart from but what can I do when it is time and fate who always win. We are but so tiny in the eyes of time. We beat time when time wants to be beaten. Nothing goes against nor beyond it.
When I watched her sleep she is the most beautiful being in the world, everything fades away when she comes into my eyes. Saying has it that your pupil enlarges when you see something you love and mine probably become like a pupil of a fictional ghost when I see her. All Black. Only goodness knows where she would be at the moment I am remembering and writing about her.
I just wish She is doing fine on her own since She wasn’t much of a kind to do everything on her own, She was used to my love. My love spoiled her but it was the love of ours that made us nigh inseparable. Where She would be, I wonder? Resting under a tree and thinking about me? Perhaps. Thinking about the moments we have enjoyed together and every night when She annoyed me? Perhaps. When I think about the time when I feed her with my own hands, my heart bursts itself open. I never imagined this life when I had her no more beside me. My heart and I would have been a little satisfied had I known her whereabouts but I am robbed of it and it makes me uneasy.
She came into my dream that I found her but She has forgotten me, that was so irksome, that was unbearable. Where does She reside now, I wonder? Yes, she stays inside me but that is in memories, I want her to be physically present.
I didn’t want this life, I was forced into it when She got away and left me with a question when or if She shall be coming back to me. It is the question I ask myself every day but She is not answering me with her coming back. Oh, my love where have you gone? When shall you come back to me and shall play with me like we used to do?
Come, I shall take you in my arms to never let you go again. I shall keep you in my arms till the time you are tired of my grasp and shall beg to me to put you down. I remember that time when I hold her hands in mine and walk her in the streets. I remember them and so does She. When I look back on the days when we first met, I laugh rolling on the floor as She was scared of me in the early days and you wouldn’t believe this if you saw her with me now that there was once a time when She was a feared of me.
When I would hold her hand She would legit be like — oh who are you and why you holdin’ my hand, I don’t know you, please let go of my hand — and now when I give her my hand She literally wants to bite it but She means no harm, She loves me as much as I her. Harmless wound She would want to give me. She has given me a wound, yes but this time it is not harmless, it aches so much that sometimes I can’t control myself.
I smile and I laugh when I see her pictures wearing the sweater I gave to her and how She showed off when She wore that sweater upon her body. That sweater was still on her when she went, where? I don’t know. She just went without giving any warning or maybe She did.
She was being very impish some days before going and would want to play with me every time, She loved me in those days like never before and the thought crossed my mind that maybe it is time we said goodbye to each other and it was perhaps the warning She and the time gave me but fool I was I did not pay any attention. Perhaps I did, that is why that presumption came into my mind and I could not do anything. She went away from my eyes and I could do nothing.
What could be more painful than seeing your loved one go away from your life when you still want to spend the rest of the time with them? Nothing, I think.
There is nothing as important as family and it kills you from inside when you experience something you have not even experienced in your wildest and scariest of dreams. I too never dreamt of this, that I would have to be without her but here I am and here I have to be. What can I say? Her love was so pure, so selfless that I sometimes think from where does She bring all that love but then I know that when you love, it gives you the ability to get loved. Without love, there shall be existing nothing nowhere and shall be chaos everywhere.
The pictures of her make me sad when I see them and sometimes make my eyes teary but it leaves me with hope and good spirits but again it can’t make the sadness go away. It shall stay around for as long as She stays away from me and I wish it is about time She and I reunited once again and hold tight onto each other to never let go.
She loves me like no one, She can not express her love verbally as I can do but I know when I look into her eyes, how they are filled with her little love for me. She cannot speak neither can she write to tell me but with those eyes, she speaks a thousand words. She cannot express her love aurally because She is my dog, Bigu who went for a walk in the morning some days ago and hasn’t returned home since. I wish and I hope that my Bigu shall return and live with me once again like we used to till the end of time.
Come back love, your friend has been waiting for you.
